Jiah Khan’s last letter: ‘I aborted our baby…’

Excerpts from Jiah Khan’s 6-page suicide letter
that details the troubles she faced in her love

“I don’t know how to say this to you but I might as
well now as I have nothing to lose. I have already
lost everything.


If you are reading this I might have already left or
about to leave. I am broken inside. You might not
know this but you have affected me deeply to a
point where I have lost myself loving you. Yet you
tortured me every day.

These days I see no light. I wake up not wanting to
wake up. There was a time I saw my life with you, a
future with you. But you shatter my dreams. I feel
dead inside. I have never given so much of myself
to someone or cared so much. You returned my
love with cheating and lies. It didn’t matter how many gifts I gave you. Or how I beautiful I looked
for you. I was scared of getting pregnant but I gave
you myself completely.

The pain you have caused me everyday has
destroyed every bit of me, destroyed my soul. I
can’t eat or sleep or think or function. I am running
away from everything. The career is not even worth
it anymore. When I first met you I was driven,
ambitious and disciplined. How I felt for you, a love I thought would bring out the best in me. I don’t
know why destiny brought us together.

After all the pain, the rape, the abuse, the torture I
have seen previously, I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t
see any love or commitment from you. I just
became increasingly scared that you would hurt me
mentally or physically. Your life was about partying
and women. Mine was you and my work. If I stay here, I will crave you and miss you. So I’m kissing
my 10-year career and dreams goodbye! I never
told you but I received a message about you.

About you cheating on me. You embarrassed me. I
never want out, I never want with anyone else. I
am a loyal person. I never met anyone with Kartik. I
just wanted you to feel how you make me feel
constantly. No other woman will ever give you as
much as I did or love you as much as I did. I can write that in my blood.

Things were looking up for me here but is it worth
it when you constantly feel the pain of heartbreak
when the person you love wants to abuse you or
threaten to hit you or cheats on you telling other
girls they are beautiful or throws you out of their
house when you have nowhere to go and you have come to them out of love or when they lie to
your face or they make you chase after them in
their cars or disrespects their family. You never
even met my sister. I bought your sister presents.
You tore my soul. All I wanted was love.

I did everything for you. I was working for you but
you were never my partner. My future is destroyed
my happiness snatched away from me. I always
wished the best for you, was ready to invest
whatever little money I had in your betterment. You
never appreciated my love, kicked me in the face. I have no confidence, self-esteem left whatever
talent whatever ambition. You took it all away, you
destroyed my life. You hurt me so much that I
waited for you for ten days and you didn’t bother
buying me something.

The Goa trip was my birthday present but even
after you cheated on me, I still spent on you. I
aborted our baby when it hurt me deeply. You
destroyed my Christmas and my birthday dinner
when I came back. When I tried my hardest to
make your birthday special, you chose to be away from me on Valentine’s Day. You promised once we
make it to one year we would get engaged.

All you want in life is your partying, your women
and your selfish motives. All I wanted was you and
my happiness. You took both away from me. I
spent money on you selflessly. You would laugh in
my face when I would cry for you. I have nothing
left in this world to live for after this. I wish you had loved me like I loved you. I had dreamt of our
future. I dreamt of our success. I leave this place
with nothing but broken dreams and empty
promises. All I want now is go to sleep and never
wake up again. I am nothing. I had everything. I
felt so alone even when I was with you. You made me feel alone and vulnerable. I am so much more
than this.”

Jiah’s letter submitted to the police by her mother Rabia Khan


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s